thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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