I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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