My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
