I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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