id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
