and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
