Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She bit a glass in half.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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