You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
