have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
