how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
