I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
