Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize