I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your cock deserves a montage
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
