Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
