Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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