i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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