Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
