I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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