We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
