I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
