I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There r osticjed everywhere
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
