I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
