the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are the jesus of drinking
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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