Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
