and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
