smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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