why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
