Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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