after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
