I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
