yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
