I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
