I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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