You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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