I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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