our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
