Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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