she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
