I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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