She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
