I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
