i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
