Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
