I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
