if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
