are you so shy because you have an std?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
