My hand turned me down
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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