my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
