Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
