I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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