Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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