He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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