The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
