i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
