Farmville is her only friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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