Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
