did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
