remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
