I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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